To Forty-Three

Why do you always show up to me
in my phone’s clock?
What wonders are you to bring?
You have already brought upon me
a bounding memory, a sad death
which my heart can never be restored of.

To what reason is your sudden appearance?
To what importance do you present yourself
every moment I lay my eyes on you?

I am afraid for do you show yourself
to warn me of an impending death once again?
I am truly afraid, what else is there
that awaits me in your sudden appearance?

I keep on looking at these signs,
what else could you mean?
Months? Days? Weeks? Years?
A group? People?
This is driving me insane.

And yet now you slowly fade away
from all this. What games are you playing?
Are you to return?

You’ve never dealt me any good but if
you are to return, tell me
its really something worth writing.
I can’t keep staying up due to my petty worries.

Two minutes before a quarter,
my mind is simply crazed at the sight of you.

Monologue on Self Hate

She’s never done anything right, and if she even did, it would be done for the benefit of her selfishness. She was good at that, messing things up in her mind. Nothing more, nothing less. It made her paranoid. She ruins everything. She tries hard to do things the right way but something always gets in the way. Maybe its her herself, or maybe her short temper or her undying impatience.  Recognition is something far away from her reach. And does desire this? Maybe not. Maybe she does, but then no one bothers to give it to her. She doesn’t deserve it anyway. And she feels stupid for trying in the first place. Nothing is right here anymore; and she doubts anything else will be still.

Foolish girl, you’ve never done anything right, and maybe you never will. Stupid.

Midnight Musing

The dawn is nearly breaking, a quarter before the fourth hour, and she can hear the heave of her breath to the sad love song playing in her  ears. All the memories come back to her, a painful reminder from the past. She remains to be indecisive; to continue with this foolishness, or to keep her head level? Feelings play around her mind, bringing up her conscience and humanity through their unheard words. What can she do? Nothing more, for she was a mere mortal, head over heels for someone who was as unreal as a fairy tale character. And now she shall let the words lull her to sleep, yet again fooling her into naive beliefs of bliss and happiness.