Giving Up

there are just times
i dont want to keep on running
i dont want to keep on trying
i just want to stop and stare
to where im at
and then i ask myself,
“Is this is it?”

I keep on running again.

Dilaw

Sa tuwing ako’y may  nahahagilap na dilaw,
isipan ko’y natatarantang matanaw ka,
na sana ikaw nga ang aking nahagilap ng nababaliw na pagtingin.

Andiyan ka nga ba? Hindi, wala.
Inilinlang lamang ako ng aking hamak na pagmamasid.

O sawing pananabik, wala na itong patutunguhan pa
kung patuloy pa ang pagtingin na ito.

Dilaw dito, dilaw doon
Kaunti pa mukha ko’y maninilaw na rin.
Halina’t magpakita ka na sa akin
dahil sa kaibuturan ng aking puso,
nais kitang makapiling;
yakapin moakosa iyong matipunong bisig
at ikulob mo rito ang inaasam na pagmamahal.

Dilaw, dilaw,
ipipikit ko ang aking mga mata at pagdilat ko
ay masisilayan muli ang walang wakas na dilaw.

Sa bilang ng tatlo, dapat ay nariyan ka na.
Isa, dalawa, tatlo
andiyan ka na ba?

What’s In His Mind? (Extemporized)

There’s just really something about her when I look at her, even when I come across a photo of hers in my Facebook News Feed. Is it the curve of her eyes? The shape of her lips? her smooth skin? I really can’t tell, it’s so frustrating. And the longer I gaze at her, it seems parallel worlds open, letting me take a peek of what else could possibly be out there. She is beautiful, yes, and there’s something more to her that I simply just can’t tell. I know I see her everyday and we have our seats a few rows apart, but what could possibly happen? She’s there and I’m here. Those two rows make me feel like we’re worlds and worlds apart. She’s Heaven and I’m Earth; I am darkness and she is the light. Her beauty is beyond words and all I hope is to speak to her, to know her for more than just her face and stature. I want to know who she is; what her joys are, her fears, her hopes and dreams, what makes her jump in surprise, what she watches in her TV during those Tuesday evenings. I want to hear them all. Really, I do. What could she be possibly thinking of right now? Is she looking at me right now? Where is she headed to later? Would it ever cross her mind that I am crazed at the sight of her – even at the mere glance upon her profile? Her face haunts me, wanting me to know more of her. Do I even have a chance? I don’t think so, I have my failed attempts before. Small talk of this and that, pathetic. How much farther do I have to go to get to her, to hear her angelic voice? To have that chance of holding her close to me? Oh she is so much more than she seems. I am hopeless. What would it take for me to get into her world, to see what it’s like out there? I look right at her again, and concede, that I really cannot do anything anymore. Let time handle this.