It’s not a guy to sleep with. Or a boyfriend. Or a new sibling. Or a gaming buddy. Or a lifetime partner (not yet). Right now, I’m looking for a confidante. Yes, you read that right. I need someone to listen to me and hopefully tell me where I should go or do next. But then that would defeat the meaning of living. God this sucks.
Its just that right now, things are getting crazier by the week. The deadlines are getting shorter, and the pressure is growing. The motivation and inspiration to work is declining. I don’t know about them cold-heart high ranks, but I have emotions too. I am human, I get stressed out. I feel sad. I want to rest too. I could choose not to go to class, but I have to comply. I want to keep my record as clean as possible.
Why not a current friend? Interesting question. Wait, maybe, not really. Anyway, with the things I want to gush out on, I need a neutral person, a third party, just to hear me out on all this. My insecurities on me, my performance in school, my social life and people involved. I don’t know, really. I just need to get this all out of my system, and sadly for me, writing it all out wouldn’t help. I believe in respecting these people’s private lives and with that, I won’t spill here… even though this is a blog. I just need to get this out somewhere, I swear. And this art thing is not working on me anymore, “with all the expression of your emotion through art”. Its not working. And I don’t know why. Maybe its because art is actually where I am at (I’m in art school, and pressure really kills here with all the energy drinks you need to drink.)
One time I went to our school counselor. And it helped. But my swings just keep on coming back to me. Its not the period I swear to God. But I think I can’t go back to her again. And I dont think going back there would be the same as before.
Still, there’s nothing wrong with it right? All I want is someone who has that neutrality to listen me rant out. I don’t hate the world. I just hate what I’ve been doing upon myself recently. I hate myself. Why do these things keep happening? God, help me, please.
What's In My Mind... 