Kindness

You come to me
in the gentlest of ways

You rise me
from my sleep
as the soft morning light
peeks through the leaves

You whisper to me
the sweetest of words
as the wind tells me
more of secrets bare

You say goodbye
and I weep.

Metaphors of my Life: Train Stations

So as I wait for my movie to buffer, I might as well write another post.

A few days before Christmas, I was on my way to University to prepare for its all wide Christmas celebration, since I was (fortunately) assigned to be a shooter for the event, along with some mates from our organization. Well, as standard operating procedures go, assigned shooters should be early for briefing and distribution of media passes.

Before heading to the meeting place of assigned shooters, I got to meet up with one of my old friends at a nearby Starbucks. God seeing her was so gratifying – gratifying in the sense that I convinced myself that I wasn’t crazy to be making her up in my mind (she’s a real person!). I guess that’s what time does to you, it fools you. The thing is, this friend of mine used to be a classmate in university, she just had issues so she left. She just then checked up on us, and decided that she’d visit for the university’s annual wide Christmas celebration.

So, sitting at Starbucks with her, we got to catch up with one another and all related stuff. She even lent me a 50 mm AF Nikon Prime lens! I was so happy! Even at the idea of it just being lent to me really made my day! We then somewhat parted then met up again and celebrated pre-Christmas in our university. Soon enough, we had plans for Sunday, which was to go to Mass together. Unfortunately both of us weren’t able to go, maybe due to the tiresome activities we’ve been through. Another day passed and I woke up with a couple of messages on my phone. She asked if I could come by the nearest mall, but after a few exchanges of meet up places, I then said yes. I dashed right away just to see her, because it would be her last day around town, which was sad.

I headed to the mall and we just hang out. We played in the arcade, window-shopped and looked around the toy area (which looked unusual, well for me). While strolling around, she kept on reminding me that she only had until 3 pm that day because she had to prepare for her flight going back to the place she was staying at. That put me on so much pressure; I admit, I didn’t want her to go again. We ended the day by speed eating colored shaved ice, which was funny because we then had to board the train going home with our teeth with hues of blue.

The thing was, when I asked for a photo together, she declined. I asked her why. She replied to me, “We don’t need pictures, we have memories.” What she said struck me, since it proved to her point that I have been utterly dependent to technology (my DSLR camera) just to preserve my memories. I thought back to myself, oh yeah, didn’t I have a brain to recall my own memories? That moment changed my perspective on photos – shoot, but preserve some images in your memories.  You never know, those photos might be reformatted or what. I then gave up on the idea that we should have a photo together. But still, I hope she’d understand because its been a real while since I last saw her and got to be with her.

So we got on the train, going home, since she was catching up on her flight schedule. It was past 3pm and the train was obviously the fastest way back. Unfortunately for me, we had to part in that train car. That train would arrive first on my stop, then hers. I would be parting with her. The idea was just sad. Still, we managed to say our final words before heading down, and I look forward to seeing her again. Hopefully this 2014, as she said. 

I went out of the train, stepped right into the platform, let the doors close and the train swiftly left. The feeling in me was just so sad. I’m glad that I got to spend time with my friend, but the idea of leaving someone is sad. What hurt me more is that I had to go down while she had one more stop to go.

The idea of that s somehow amusing to think that that also applies to what happened to us in university. Since she left, she missed out on the lessons and the memories with our other friends. And when we were catching up she said she planned on coming back. Hearing her words felt wrong because we were meant to go through university together. We could have graduated the same time, if only she didn’t leave in the first place. 

She just had to go through I have been through when she was gone. Too bad. We might as well move forward. I hope she catches up real quick though.

Metaphors of my Life: At the Wet Market

Two days before Christmas, I decided to go the shopping district of our city, because my camera’s LCD protector broke. So I rode and went to the camera specialty area of the shopping district. It was a pretty easy journey, because all I had to do was say my camera model, and the lady would give me their LCD protector for my camera with a discount, since its the season to be jolly. (Fa la la la ~ ♫ ) So after paying for the protector, I said to myself, I might as well go around since I’m here and I have really nothing much to do at home that time. So I went around, went in and out of shops, looking at curios, antiques, souvenirs and normal items as well. I tried searching for Christmas gifts for friends and family, but then it turns out to be in vain because I used up all my money for the long term purchase (and investment) for a DSLR camera’s LCD protector. Window shopping truly is painful.

As the agony subsided, and the sun was going down, I might as well go home because I had to do dinner and people in the house might be looking for me. So I keep on walking, and at the middle of the shopping districts busy plaza, I just stopped. I stood there like an idiot. Maybe a pickpocket already got my phone or what (but thank God nothing that bad happened), but I just suddenly stopped and stood there, in the middle of the hustle bustle. The night market was being set up, the elders are spitting at the side walks and the lamps are lit one by one.

And that song resounded in my head, “the whole world is moving, and I’m standing still.”

I was alone, in that busy place. Places like that don’t deserve lonely people. Even the peddlers there had their children around, just to have company while selling their goods. But maybe, what really made me stop, was the elderly couple, who was just walking out of the packed district. An old man and his aged wife, hand in hand, going through that busy district.

Just right after buying from some fruit vendor, the old man looked right into his wife and smiled at her, as if she was the only person there. “Let’s go home,” he said. Her eyes sparkled right back at him, getting his hand, and her goods at the other. Then the two of them went ahead to go home. Although they were old, and their faces were creased, it was as if they were the strongest couple in the shopping district.

They left and I was just standing there, never feeling so lonely.

I decided to move and go on as well. But the thing was I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about them; the way they were together, the vibe or peaceful wavelength between them (despite the hustling setting we were all in); how strong their grip was to one another; and their look at each other.

It was definitely priceless. And it got me thinking, a few years from now, I’ll be on my great quest like Ted Mosby, (pa pa pa pa pa pa ♫) . . . and how am I going to find someone like that? someone who could match up to the stronghold of my parents relationship? Because it seems everyone around me is falling apart – single parents, annulments, divorces, separations – it’s all just too sad. If I’m going to find someone, I know I had to find someone to rely on.

Just like that couple at the market.

That old couple walked hand in hand as they struggled through the crowd. I want something like that too – someone to hold me, someone to lead me, someone to tell me it’s going to be all right, someone to look at me as if I’m the last person in the world – and that it’s okay with him.

I just feel bad. Maybe this introvert will just have to wait just a little bit more longer.